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How to Cure Homesickness

Anyone living away from home? Raise your hand. Ok, so you know what I’m talking about. Have a seat and let’s talk about Homesickness!

This one is for all of us living away from the place we consider «Home» – although we might have more than one. Because no matter how much you love traveling and exploring new cities, at some point you get this feeling that makes you feel almost physical pain and yet no medicine can cure it. Let’s dissect the what, why and how of Homesickness…

I’ll start our story time with a confession – I sometimes feel homesick for more than one place at once. I’ve lived in quite a few countries and now I miss them all. There’s a Bulgarian song which goes: «If I leave here at least one friend, I leave my heart here as well» and I believe that to be what determines where Home is. Not too long ago, most of our grandparents wouldn’t even travel beyond the city limits and now here we are, living in a day and age where we fly abroad for the weekends, meeting people from everywhere and leaving a bit of our soul in each place we fall in love with (or in…). But even when we have our own homes and start our own families, we usually continue to subconsciously think of Home as that place we grew up in. Aren’t I right?

So Homesickness is normal even if you’re a 100% happy and content where you are at the moment. I clarify this because people who haven’t been outside their own backyards usually reply to my remark about missing my parents and childhood home with «Well, why don’t you move back then?» without understanding that in that case, I’d just miss my life here so that won’t be solving anything. Really, Homesickness seems like it should be just an insider conversation piece because everybody else thinks their advice will help, but it never does. It’s not a logical issue – it’s got to do with emotions and those just don’t care about anyone’s know-it-all advice!

So I decided to write this post for all our lovely program Participants already in the U.S. and for those considering going there but worrying about being away from home. I hope this helps you.

I hope I don’t lose your trust when I admit this, but… I love Homesickness. Yes, it hurts but it’s the type of pain you almost enjoy – like pressing your finger in a hair clip or peeling off a scab (don’t Google that – I’ve warned you). The reason why I love Homesickness is that it means there’s something to miss there. That there are places you feel you belong, people who love you and who you love and memories that keep you warm at night… But still, Homesickness is a pain in the a**, so here are some tips on how to get rid of it, be it only for a day at a time.

1) Don’t Dwell on the Past and don’t Compare it to Today

We tend to remember the best of times and overlook the bad moments, so when we feel homesick the past seems to put the bar so high that the current moments can’t compare. So remind yourself of the great things of today that you didn’t have back then. I also have a cool strategy of finding the joy of the moment – imagine it is a memory. Imagine you had a time-machine, you’ve come from the future in order to relive this exact moment and you’ll be able to see it with perspective.

2) Imagine this is Home and Look around again

One day you will miss this place and realize it was Home, at least for the moment. Therefore, try to see the city through the eyes of a real local – see the streets as your streets, see the buildings as your buildings and so on. Then, take lots of photos until you are in love with the place not just as a passer-by but as part of the well-oiled machine that each city is. Sometimes I imagine walking around there in the future, knowing every nook and cranny of the place.

3) Live in the Real World, not Digitally

Don’t focus on what your friends «back home» are doing and what you’re «missing out on». But that’s unavoidable if you’re on Facebook all the time and chatting with those away from you. I’m not saying cut all communication from everything you know, but give yourself an opportunity to make new friends and have new experiences in your current place. So say YES to all offers you get for going out, having fun, traveling around and experiencing new things…

4) Make Plans, as you would at Home

…but don’t just wait to get invited to do fun stuff – create your own plans and invite others (if that’s how you roll). In London, I would sometimes get very sad because I had «nothing to do», whereas back home I’d get called every day and get so many options for the day that I’d have to prioritize. It took some time but I learned to plan my days after lectures so that I never got bored, made new friends and started feeling at home.

 

 5) Get Close to People FROM the new place…

… not people who you can reminisce with. We all love our comfort zone and it’s the coziest around people who feel like you do and even better if they come from the same place. Especially grouping by nationality is a wide-spread tradition. The French sit with the French, the English with the English and the Spanish with the Spanish. It’s easier to communicate because of the common language, tastes, and backgrounds. And there’s nothing wrong with that – it’s good for emotional support but it also stops you from getting to know the locals and seeing the city as they do.

6) Don’t Postpone doing Things for when you’re «Back»

If you’re living away from «Home» for a limited period of time (18 months max, if you’re a J1 Visa holder), you probably consider it as time away from your «real life» and avoid doing the things you’d otherwise do. Take, for example, going for a massage, getting a haircut, buying something for long term use like house stuff. So buy yourself a cute cup even if you won’t be able to take it back when you leave. Don’t pause your life – fight Homesickness by letting yourself live normally.

7) Find your own Favorites

Imagine you’ll have friends from «back home» visiting you and you want to impress them, so prepare now. Wander around, get lost (really, in order to learn street names, you have to ditch the GPS for a second), discover new places, write them down and, if you’re a Participant in our programs, write a post on this blog about them! Find places you’ll miss when you leave. Find your favorite burger place, coffee shop and night bar.

8) Try Communities (Church, Book Club, Yoga)

Think about what you love and find people who love the same things as you. If you’re in the USA, find new favorite things as well – find a favorite baseball little league and go to all the games. Find a weird new trend you like and find where to fit in. Experience the culture while still being true to yourself.

9) Learn to Recognize the Feeling and may be Cry a bit

As I said before, emotions are illogical, so even if you follow are the directions above, you might still feel Homesick. But learn to identify the feeling, so you can just give in sometimes without fighting it or taking it out on those around you. Give yourself a specific time limit for sulking – lock yourself in your room for half an hour, listen to the songs that remind you of «Home» and think about it, in order to get it out of your system.

10) You can always go Home, so Time Limits are Awesome

Remember that nothing is final, nothing is mandatory and it’s all up to you. But that’s why going to the U.S.A. on a J1 Visa is an amazing option, as you go for a limited period of time, which makes every minute there precious and Homesickness might not even occur at all. But if it does, you can reassure yourself that soon you’ll go back to the place you call «Home» and just then will you realize you miss the U.S.A.!

 

Anyway, write us with your recommendations on fighting Homesickness at training@architect-us.com! Please and thank you!

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